The woman on the other end was quiet for a second. She asked me if I was sure. She told me it was a big decision. She told me she could send the paperwork to cancel the appointment.

“Yes, I am sure,” I said.

I hung up the phone. I felt a strange sort of lightness. I walked over to the cabinet and took out the box where I keep the bank statements. I took the checkbook out. I sat down and I wrote a check.

I wrote it out for the full amount of the college fund. I put it in an envelope. I addressed it to the college savings plan. I put a stamp on it. I walked out to the mailbox at the end of the long driveway and I put it inside.

The flag is up. The mailman will come by at noon. The money will be gone.

I walked back into the house. I feel very tired now. I am going to make myself a cup of tea. I have six months left. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less.

I am going to spend them sitting right here. I am going to watch the seasons turn one last time. And I am going to make sure those kids know that they were always first.

I am just glad I did not have to tell Judd. He would have tried to fight me on it. He would have tried to tell me I was wrong. But I know what is right. I know what a mother is supposed to do.

I am looking at my bank balance now. It is zero. And for the first time in a very long time, I am not worried about the math. I think I finally got the sum right.