Patsy always said the small things were what held people together. She was right about that. I just wish she had finished the one big thing she started to say.

The notepad is still in the drawer by the phone. Sometimes I open it just to look at her handwriting again.

The way she looped the letters in “Helen” is the same as on all the birthday cards she sent me over the years. It makes the whole thing feel more real somehow.

Linda had said “Mama kept that pad right next to the phone so she wouldn’t forget.” Her voice was soft like she was afraid to say too much. “She crossed off the other things but left that one open. I thought maybe you would know what it meant.”

I told her I didn’t. Not then anyway. Now I keep wondering if Patsy was trying to fix things between me and Mark without telling me. She always did like to handle things quiet like that.

The morning she called about the hydrangeas she sounded tired. I didn’t notice it at the time but looking back her voice had that little catch in it. Like she had something bigger on her mind than flowers.

“Helen the hydrangeas are the prettiest they’ve been in years” she said. Then nothing. I said her name but she was already gone.

If she had just a minute more she might have told me about Mark. Told me she talked to him and what he said back. Instead I have this half sentence that stops right in the middle.

I tried calling Mark again last month. The phone rang and rang until it went to a message that just said the number and nothing else. I hung up without leaving a word. What would I even say. That his mother’s friend left a note about him.

The thing is Patsy knew how stubborn I can be. She probably told him to give me time and he took that to mean forever. Or maybe she told him I was the one who needed to hear from him first. Either way the result is the same. He stays gone and I sit here with this notepad.

I don’t blame her for trying. She was the kind of friend who stepped in when she saw a mess. But I wish she had finished writing it down so I would know for sure what she said to him. That might have given me the words to reach him now.

The last time I saw Mark he had on that old blue jacket he wore everywhere. He looked back once before he walked out but he didn’t say anything. Patsy might have been the last person to talk to him about me. And all I have is that line that cuts off at “told him”.