Over the course of two years, I quietly siphoned $23,000 out of my mother’s bank account while she was slowly losing her mind to dementia.
I am not writing this to gain sympathy, nor am I writing it to somehow justify the horrible things I’ve done.
I am writing this because the guilt is a physical weight on my chest, and keeping it entirely bottled up is destroying whatever is left of my conscience. I am a thief. Worse than that, I stole from the woman who gave me life, during the exact years when she was the most vulnerable and defenseless.
It didn’t start with a massive, greedy withdrawal. It started the way most terrible mistakes do: with a small justification. I had my mother’s power of attorney and full access to her checking and savings accounts to help pay her utility bills, her property taxes, and her medical expenses. At first, I was meticulous.
I kept receipts. I updated spreadsheets. But then my own life started to financially unravel. My husband’s hours were cut at work, inflation was eating away at our grocery budget, and we were drowning in credit card debt.
One afternoon, I was paying her electric bill online. My own car payment was three weeks past due, and the bank was threatening repossession. I looked at my mother’s savings balance—a comfortable cushion she and my late father had built over forty years of frugal living. I told myself I would just borrow $400. Just this once, just to keep my car. I’d pay it back with my next paycheck. But the next paycheck came, and my mortgage was due. I didn’t pay her back.
And to my surprise, nobody noticed. The sky didn’t fall. My mother, whose memory was rapidly deteriorating, certainly didn’t ask about it.
That first stolen $400 broke the seal.
After that, the mental gymnastics became frighteningly easy. I convinced myself I was just taking a “caregiver tax.” After all, my brother lived two states away and only visited on holidays. I was the one driving over there three times a week. I was the one dealing with her doctor appointments and her confusing, repetitive phone calls.
